From the Hospital Bed

I am writing this blog from the Wake Med heart center in Raleigh NC. That sounds scarier than it is...well, not for me because I get panicky at every little thing. Last Saturday I had another episode of my heart racing. Ive had these before but normally they only last 30 - 60 minutes, followed by two or three hours of exhaustion. But Saturday was different, it lasted much longer, continued off and on on Sunday and then again on Monday, which was my 44th birthday.

Anyway, I went to see my doctor on Monday. He wasnt in but his nurse practitioner was and she listened to my heart and immediately said..."We are doing an EKG." Then she went and got the other doctor on duty and he came in and told me I was in atrial fiberllation. Of course, I didnt know what that was and nearly panicked until he told me it was something that millions of people live normal lives with, even naming a couple of celebrities like basketball great Larry Byrd. He then proceded to tell me he wanted me in the hospital overnight for observation and they called an ambulance and off I went.

First they put me on an IV of a drug to try and convert back to normal rhythm, successful in 50% of patients, well guess who isnt in that 50% so it took until last night to get the beat normal and today I am having a cardioversion using electricity, yes they are shocking back into regular rhythm. Then I will have to take meds to try and keep it from happening again. I will probably remain in the hospital until Sat or Sun. My mom and sister came down to be with me, thank you God. My poor mom had a bad night last night because *I* was running in panic mode.

It is now 2 hours before the procedure begins and I feel like Im about to jump out of my skin. I cant believe how nervous I am when everyone tells me how common this is and how low risk. Why do I always see the glass as half empty, and why is my faith so weak that I cant trust God to make the best decisions for me. I just dont know.

I will write more on how the procedure went later.