I am writing this blog from the Wake Med heart center in Raleigh NC. That sounds scarier than it is...well, not for me because I get panicky at every little thing. Last Saturday I had another episode of my heart racing. Ive had these before but normally they only last 30 - 60 minutes, followed by two or three hours of exhaustion. But Saturday was different, it lasted much longer, continued off and on on Sunday and then again on Monday, which was my 44th birthday.
Anyway, I went to see my doctor on Monday. He wasnt in but his nurse practitioner was and she listened to my heart and immediately said..."We are doing an EKG." Then she went and got the other doctor on duty and he came in and told me I was in atrial fiberllation. Of course, I didnt know what that was and nearly panicked until he told me it was something that millions of people live normal lives with, even naming a couple of celebrities like basketball great Larry Byrd. He then proceded to tell me he wanted me in the hospital overnight for observation and they called an ambulance and off I went.
First they put me on an IV of a drug to try and convert back to normal rhythm, successful in 50% of patients, well guess who isnt in that 50% so it took until last night to get the beat normal and today I am having a cardioversion using electricity, yes they are shocking back into regular rhythm. Then I will have to take meds to try and keep it from happening again. I will probably remain in the hospital until Sat or Sun. My mom and sister came down to be with me, thank you God. My poor mom had a bad night last night because *I* was running in panic mode.
It is now 2 hours before the procedure begins and I feel like Im about to jump out of my skin. I cant believe how nervous I am when everyone tells me how common this is and how low risk. Why do I always see the glass as half empty, and why is my faith so weak that I cant trust God to make the best decisions for me. I just dont know.
I will write more on how the procedure went later.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Saturday, April 12, 2008
No Heart for Blogging
After my aunt Shirley's death in December and all the subsequent things that happened in my life I sank into a self imposed prison of depression. I was so homesick for Indiana that I could hardly stand it and all I could think of was being with my family. I finally broke in mid March when my dad's oldest sister, Jean, passed away. She died on March 16 and when I went to work on the 17th I just couldnt handle it. After talking to the principal and vice principal I took the 3 days left of that week and, thankfully the next week was spring break, went home. I got to attend my aunt's funeral and spend time with my family. I came back to NC with a much healthier attitude and the depression is seemingly gone. I think I needed to closure.
As for rest of what is going on with me. The school where I teach is splitting next year. We just recently found out that our principal will be going to the new school along with one of our assistant principals, while the other asst principal will become the principal at our school. Staff will be split between the two schools but we probably wont know until about the end of April which school we will be out. I put our current school as my choice simply because it is closer to where I live but I dont know home much consideration will be given to what we prefer. Either way I feel comfortable with administration in either school.
Speaking of school, it is that time of year where the kids are sick of the teachers and the teachers are sick of the kids. Little spats between students are common and the teachers have short fuses. 41 days left, not that Im counting.
Well that is really all that is going on here so for now Ill say "keep on keeping on"
As for rest of what is going on with me. The school where I teach is splitting next year. We just recently found out that our principal will be going to the new school along with one of our assistant principals, while the other asst principal will become the principal at our school. Staff will be split between the two schools but we probably wont know until about the end of April which school we will be out. I put our current school as my choice simply because it is closer to where I live but I dont know home much consideration will be given to what we prefer. Either way I feel comfortable with administration in either school.
Speaking of school, it is that time of year where the kids are sick of the teachers and the teachers are sick of the kids. Little spats between students are common and the teachers have short fuses. 41 days left, not that Im counting.
Well that is really all that is going on here so for now Ill say "keep on keeping on"
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
It's Been Awhile
I didn't realize how long it had been since I last published a post. December and January have not been the best months Ive ever had but I guess sometimes that is just the way it goes. Where to begin...
Four days after my aunt Shirley was buried, her oldest sister (and my dad's also) suffered a heart attack. Her prognosis is not good. I went home on the 21st and stayed for 11 days, while there I got to go visit my aunt Jean twice. I am so glad about that.
I drove on on January 2, it was COLD all through KY and WV, windchills were below zero and ther was snow most of the way. After a 12 hour drive I was pretty tired but determined to unpack my car, including a new television my brother bought me (he is so sweet.) I went to lift the tv out of the car and I heard a pop and had a searing pain shoot through my shoulder. I couldn't move it without severe pain. My first thought was I had dislocated it, so I called a friend who drove me to the emergency room. Five hours later I had finally found out that I had a small tear in my rotary cup, hopefully will be able to avoid surgery if Im careful with it. I wore a sling for a few days but it was more uncomfortable than the shoulder so now Im just being careful. The dr didnt let me go back to work until the 6th so I had 3 days of extra vacation. Not exactly the way I like to use my days off.
My ten year old niece got kicked by a horse last week, her leg was cut and bruised pretty bad and she had to wear a special pressure stocking. She is doing fine though.
I got to see the owner of ye olde duck and run a week ago last Saturday. I made him and his kitty a meatloaf and took it to them at a nearby truck stop and we had a drink together (tea and lemonade.) It was nice to see him again.
Well I guess that is all for tonight, about bed time. Will try to keep this more updated in the future.
Four days after my aunt Shirley was buried, her oldest sister (and my dad's also) suffered a heart attack. Her prognosis is not good. I went home on the 21st and stayed for 11 days, while there I got to go visit my aunt Jean twice. I am so glad about that.
I drove on on January 2, it was COLD all through KY and WV, windchills were below zero and ther was snow most of the way. After a 12 hour drive I was pretty tired but determined to unpack my car, including a new television my brother bought me (he is so sweet.) I went to lift the tv out of the car and I heard a pop and had a searing pain shoot through my shoulder. I couldn't move it without severe pain. My first thought was I had dislocated it, so I called a friend who drove me to the emergency room. Five hours later I had finally found out that I had a small tear in my rotary cup, hopefully will be able to avoid surgery if Im careful with it. I wore a sling for a few days but it was more uncomfortable than the shoulder so now Im just being careful. The dr didnt let me go back to work until the 6th so I had 3 days of extra vacation. Not exactly the way I like to use my days off.
My ten year old niece got kicked by a horse last week, her leg was cut and bruised pretty bad and she had to wear a special pressure stocking. She is doing fine though.
I got to see the owner of ye olde duck and run a week ago last Saturday. I made him and his kitty a meatloaf and took it to them at a nearby truck stop and we had a drink together (tea and lemonade.) It was nice to see him again.
Well I guess that is all for tonight, about bed time. Will try to keep this more updated in the future.
Monday, December 10, 2007
Shirley May McNabb Speas September 3, 1937 - December 8, 2007 RIP
I lost my Aunt Shirley this week. She was probably the aunt I was closest to though I adore all my aunts. My dad has 3 older sisters and Shirley was the one next to him in age. The two of them were close growing up even though there was a six year difference in their ages. I remember them, and people who knew them, talking about how they roller skated together and how good they were at it.
Shirley and her husband, my Uncle Leonard, introduced their younger siblings to each other. Shirley's brother (my dad) and Leonard's sister (my mom). And the two couples always did a lot together. When I was growing up, their kids would come to our house for a week in the summer and we would go to theirs. Even when they named their kids their closeness showed. First, Shirley & Leonard's son came along and they named him Lonnie, then mom and dad had me and named me Bonnie, then came Shirley & Leonard's daughter, Connie. Thank goodness the madness stopped there. My siblings were named Lynn, Brian and Cyndi.
Aunt Shirley survived uterine cancer about 10 years ago then about two years ago she went to the doctor for a physical and a simple blood test showed she was anemic, they began running test and found colon cancer. She had a horrible year of chemo and radiation, she was healthy for about 6 months when they found cancer in the liver.
But through all of that...she never lost her faith. She always found reason to praise God. When they called the family in last Tuesday, mom said Shirley opened her eyes at one point and said "Thank God for Heaven". She lingered, laboring for each breath until finally she went home to be with Jesus on Saturday morning. And while we mourn for her and miss her, this will be her best Christmas ever...Christmas in heaven. So I dedicate this blog to my Aunt Shirley...I am a better person for having known her.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Thanksgiving 2007
Another visit to Indiana. I loved going home but the travel part really got to me this time. I left at 4:30 am on Wednesday and actually didn't hit too much traffic until Louisville. It bottlenecks where 64 and 65 divide and it was about 30 minutes and 2 1/2 mile of stop and go traffic. I still made it in 12 hours which wasnt bad for all the traffic. I only stopped for bathroom and fuel. I took a couple of ham sandwiches with me and ate them instead of stopping for my meals.
Coming home on Sunday was a different story. I didnt have it too bad until I got back into NC. It was a nightmare. I hit traffic at Greensboro and it took me 3 hours to make a normal 1 1/2 trip. Im not a patient driver so by the time I got home I was severely stressed. Im thinking that next year I wont do Thanksgiving and Christmas but just Christmas. My parents will be disappointed but I have to think about my sanity too.
Thursday we had a great meal and a good visit. My family is maturing, less fighting when we are together. We were all home this year which thrilled my dad, mom too but dad is more vocal about his pleasure of having us all there. Friday my niece and I went back to mom's and stayed a bit then on Saturday we all went there again because it was my parents' anniversary. They have been married 45 years.
I am going tomorrow to get my new glasses, Im excited. When I went to get my eyes examined I found out my eyes had improved though my astigmatism had gotten worse in one eye. The eye doctor left it up to me whether to go with the bifocals or not...I chose not. I have no problem with taking my glasses off to read or getting longer arms.. hehe. Maybe next time...
Coming home on Sunday was a different story. I didnt have it too bad until I got back into NC. It was a nightmare. I hit traffic at Greensboro and it took me 3 hours to make a normal 1 1/2 trip. Im not a patient driver so by the time I got home I was severely stressed. Im thinking that next year I wont do Thanksgiving and Christmas but just Christmas. My parents will be disappointed but I have to think about my sanity too.
Thursday we had a great meal and a good visit. My family is maturing, less fighting when we are together. We were all home this year which thrilled my dad, mom too but dad is more vocal about his pleasure of having us all there. Friday my niece and I went back to mom's and stayed a bit then on Saturday we all went there again because it was my parents' anniversary. They have been married 45 years.
I am going tomorrow to get my new glasses, Im excited. When I went to get my eyes examined I found out my eyes had improved though my astigmatism had gotten worse in one eye. The eye doctor left it up to me whether to go with the bifocals or not...I chose not. I have no problem with taking my glasses off to read or getting longer arms.. hehe. Maybe next time...
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Saturday, November 3, 2007
I Hope Im never that desparate
Have you ever met someone that was so desparate to be with someone that they just jump from relationship to relationship and every one is THE ONE? I have a good friend who is like that. He has been married twice to different "THE ONE"s and since Ive known him he is on his 4th "THE ONE" and I just found out they are talking marriage. He keeps saying he doesn't want to make another mistake, doesn't want another divorce but from the things he has told me I just see him heading down the same path. It is sad because he has this need to have someone in his life to be validated.
On to other things, been a while since I posted anything. End of the first nine weeks at school so there has been no spare time. Last Sunday I spent 8 hours grading papers and doing grades for report cards. This year there seems to be so much more to do and so little time to do it. I do tutoring on Thursday nights and I've had parent conferences ever since mid term grades went home and after next Thursday they will start over because Johnny got a B instead of an A. (OI!!! A B is still above average, give me a break.) Sorry, my little teacher meltdown there for a minute. It isn't just me feeling the crunch. Seems like it is school wide. One of my co-workers described it perfectly, she said "I feel like at the bottom of a pit with my arms raised, begging for help, but everyone just keeps shoveling dirt in on me." Yep. buried alive describes it.
My personal life ... pretty much non existent and that's ok. I'm too tired when I get home to do much anyway. Monday night our 4th and 5th grade students are performing at a PTA meeting and the teachers are required to attend so the other 4th grade teachers and I are going out to eat before we go. That is about the extent of my social life...lol.
Hard to believe the holidays are getting as close as they are, I have to be thinking about what kind of gifts to buy for family and students. Im getting to the point where I dont know what to get anyone. Any suggestions?
On to other things, been a while since I posted anything. End of the first nine weeks at school so there has been no spare time. Last Sunday I spent 8 hours grading papers and doing grades for report cards. This year there seems to be so much more to do and so little time to do it. I do tutoring on Thursday nights and I've had parent conferences ever since mid term grades went home and after next Thursday they will start over because Johnny got a B instead of an A. (OI!!! A B is still above average, give me a break.) Sorry, my little teacher meltdown there for a minute. It isn't just me feeling the crunch. Seems like it is school wide. One of my co-workers described it perfectly, she said "I feel like at the bottom of a pit with my arms raised, begging for help, but everyone just keeps shoveling dirt in on me." Yep. buried alive describes it.
My personal life ... pretty much non existent and that's ok. I'm too tired when I get home to do much anyway. Monday night our 4th and 5th grade students are performing at a PTA meeting and the teachers are required to attend so the other 4th grade teachers and I are going out to eat before we go. That is about the extent of my social life...lol.
Hard to believe the holidays are getting as close as they are, I have to be thinking about what kind of gifts to buy for family and students. Im getting to the point where I dont know what to get anyone. Any suggestions?
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