There comes a time in life when you just have to admit it, you are an exception to life's rules. Today I was having a conversation with an acquaintance and we were talking about men and women being friends. I told him that I had many male friends that I never thought of in a sexual way but he is of the opinion that when men want friends they surround themselves with other men. They always want sex with a woman. He went on to say that there are always exceptions. Guess what, Im the exception. I dont have a male acquaintance that thinks of me in a sexual way...what a rule to be the exception of...lol...oh well.
Talked to my mom today, she is all swollen and itchy with poison ivy and has had to miss work so she doesnt get to come down here Mother's Day weekend. It started out that my sisters, my mom, my aunt and two cousins were coming (my birthday is the Saturday of that weekend). I was really looking forward to it, birthdays are a big deal in my family and this will be my first away from the family. Anyway, I digress, first my aunt and cousins backed out, now mom cant come, so far my sisters are still on. Oh, my youngest sister's fiance will also be driving up, his bday is the same day as mine, which let's be honest, that is why she is coming down.
Ive been going thru some mild depression, Ive had it before but not for this long. I think Im just tired of being lonely. I really need to find a way to make some friends down here. I like the people I work with but they are all married and have families so they really dont have time to get out. It's hard being my age and single. Most singles groups are youngins.
I went to church this morning. I do enjoy my church here but again its mostly families so I havent really got to know many people. But then thats not really the reason Im there.
Ok Im done moaning and groaning now. Ill try to be more cheerful in my next post.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
The Bible
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Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Tired
Im tired.
Not physically but mentally and emotionally.
Im tired of empty words and empty promises.
Im tired of being a convenience.
Im tired of doing my best and still not being good enough.
Im tired of being taken for granted.
Im tired of being raked over the coals for things I have no control over.
Im tired of others making me forget that I am a good person and making me feel worthless.
Im tired of having the self confidence that took me years to build being chipped away by the thoughtless words of those who call themselves my friends.
Im tired of putting effort into things that are not appreciated.
Im tired of people never looking at the good but always emphasizing the bad.
Im tired of being made to feel that I have to apologize for everything, sometimes I feel I even have to be sorry for existing.
Im just tired.
Not physically but mentally and emotionally.
Im tired of empty words and empty promises.
Im tired of being a convenience.
Im tired of doing my best and still not being good enough.
Im tired of being taken for granted.
Im tired of being raked over the coals for things I have no control over.
Im tired of others making me forget that I am a good person and making me feel worthless.
Im tired of having the self confidence that took me years to build being chipped away by the thoughtless words of those who call themselves my friends.
Im tired of putting effort into things that are not appreciated.
Im tired of people never looking at the good but always emphasizing the bad.
Im tired of being made to feel that I have to apologize for everything, sometimes I feel I even have to be sorry for existing.
Im just tired.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Hmmmm
| What Mythical Creature Are You? Your Result: Griffin Loyal hardworking, winged beast, the fierce griffin is a trustworthy friend. One of the more famous creatures, you should be proud of scoring this. valued as a tough fighter, but also dextrous in the ways of the world. Will look to the light to know what to do. Can become sulky and secretive if left without guidance though. | |
| Angel | |
| Pegasus | |
| Dragon | |
| Were-wolf | |
| Wyvern | |
| http://www.gotoquiz.com/what_mythical_creature_are_you_8">What Mythical Creature Are You? http://www.gotoquiz.com/">Make a Quiz | |
I'm Cool
|
Another Sunday
Warm weather is finally back and I love it. Im thinking someday I might just move to Hawaii where I never have to worry about cold temps.
On the family front, I talked to my mom a bit ago. She and Dad are feeling pretty good, they spent the whole weekend outside cleaning up the property in preparation for my younger sister's wedding in July. That is the main focus around there these days. I got my official invitation this week, guess I'll go...lol. The depressing thing about weddings these days are filling out the reply cards. How many? *sigh* the usual table for one please. It would be nice to have a dance partner once in a while. Ok ok, on to other things.
Mom said she had her first case of poison ivy for the year. She catches it if she even looks at a vine and Im sure cleaning out the fence rows she is in for a long summer of it. My youngest niece was down there helping them yesterday and she has some too. I rarely get it and when I do its just a patch here or there. They get covered with it. Today my sister, her husband and both girls were down there helping out. The bride was out of town this week for work so she missed out on the work party but there is plenty for her to do when she gets back and Im sure plenty for me when I go home the couple weeks before the wedding.
Sundays are a long day for me. Im not sure why, I get up and go to the 8:30 church service, and that just seems to make for a long day, maybe Id be better off sleeping in and going to the 11:00 service. The only problem with that is that the 8:30 service is contemporary and the 11 is traditional, I enjoy the contemporary praise. I guess I could just use Sundays as a call everybody day. Anyone want to talk on the phone? lol
Well that's enough for today. Later.
On the family front, I talked to my mom a bit ago. She and Dad are feeling pretty good, they spent the whole weekend outside cleaning up the property in preparation for my younger sister's wedding in July. That is the main focus around there these days. I got my official invitation this week, guess I'll go...lol. The depressing thing about weddings these days are filling out the reply cards. How many? *sigh* the usual table for one please. It would be nice to have a dance partner once in a while. Ok ok, on to other things.
Mom said she had her first case of poison ivy for the year. She catches it if she even looks at a vine and Im sure cleaning out the fence rows she is in for a long summer of it. My youngest niece was down there helping them yesterday and she has some too. I rarely get it and when I do its just a patch here or there. They get covered with it. Today my sister, her husband and both girls were down there helping out. The bride was out of town this week for work so she missed out on the work party but there is plenty for her to do when she gets back and Im sure plenty for me when I go home the couple weeks before the wedding.
Sundays are a long day for me. Im not sure why, I get up and go to the 8:30 church service, and that just seems to make for a long day, maybe Id be better off sleeping in and going to the 11:00 service. The only problem with that is that the 8:30 service is contemporary and the 11 is traditional, I enjoy the contemporary praise. I guess I could just use Sundays as a call everybody day. Anyone want to talk on the phone? lol
Well that's enough for today. Later.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Still Recovering
Yesterday we took the fourth graders to Raleigh on a field trip. We went to the capital building, the legislative building, the museum of Natural Science and the Museum of History. It was great but too much for one day. I could have spent a whole day just in the museum of history. There was so much we didnt get to see. All of the kids talked about wanting to go back, I hope it is something that parents might consider doing as a family. When we returned I had to stay at school until 7:00 because we had our science fair and I am one of the committee members who helped get it together. I can tell you that I was totally exhausted by the end of the day. My feet were killing me, Im still tired today as matter of fact. Another early night sounds good.
I came home from Indiana on Sunday. It was a miserable day for traveling. Traffic was heavy and it rained all the way. In some places it was even a rain/snow mix. When I reached NC it had let up a bit, at least long enough for me to deliver a meatloaf to the trucker man and his hairy one. I was told later that they enjoyed it.
It was good to be back in my own place with my own things. I love my family but when I go up there now I cant really do what I want when I want because Im visiting. I have to watch what they are watching on tv, eat what they are eating, sleep on a couch which means I have to go to bed when they do, whether its later than I want or earlier than I want. Then with all the parental health issues...it was just a stressful week. Thank God they are all doing better now.
Well I guess that is it for tonight. Im off to dream of other things.
I came home from Indiana on Sunday. It was a miserable day for traveling. Traffic was heavy and it rained all the way. In some places it was even a rain/snow mix. When I reached NC it had let up a bit, at least long enough for me to deliver a meatloaf to the trucker man and his hairy one. I was told later that they enjoyed it.
It was good to be back in my own place with my own things. I love my family but when I go up there now I cant really do what I want when I want because Im visiting. I have to watch what they are watching on tv, eat what they are eating, sleep on a couch which means I have to go to bed when they do, whether its later than I want or earlier than I want. Then with all the parental health issues...it was just a stressful week. Thank God they are all doing better now.
Well I guess that is it for tonight. Im off to dream of other things.
Monday, April 16, 2007
What kind of car are you?
I'm a Mercedes SLK!
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Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Another Update on Dad
The procedure done last night was a success. Today they moved dad out of critical care and into a regular room. He gets to come home tomorrow. Now we just have to get through the stress test that mom has to do on Friday. Forgot to put that in here. She had an EKG on Monday and the dr said the machine was showing something so he wants her to do a stress test. I told mom and dad, both, today, that if they kept this up I wasnt coming home again, of course, I was teasing.
Anyway, Im actually glad I was here. If Id been in NC either Id been worried to death about them or, more likely, no one would have told me about it.
The next two days Im going to be babysitting for a 3 month old. He is a good baby and Im looking forward to it. I longed so many years for a baby but now Im happy to have them for a little while and then send them home.
It's been a long day so Im off to bed.
Anyway, Im actually glad I was here. If Id been in NC either Id been worried to death about them or, more likely, no one would have told me about it.
The next two days Im going to be babysitting for a 3 month old. He is a good baby and Im looking forward to it. I longed so many years for a baby but now Im happy to have them for a little while and then send them home.
It's been a long day so Im off to bed.
Update on Dad
My sister got home from the hospital about 11 last night. Dad is in critical care but seemed to be doing better. They had to do an emergency colonoscopy to see where all the blood was coming from, they also did an upper GI to make sure that the source of the blood wasnt in his stomach or small intestine. I guess he gave them a bit of trouble about the tubes down his throat so they has to wait until he was asleep.
The procedure was over about 10 and the dr is fairly sure they found the place that was bleeding. Apparently dad started taking his aspirin and blood thinners too soon after the last procedure which is what started the whole thing. The dr had told him fifteen days and dad barely waited a week. That's my dad. If his hemoglobin hadnt gone back up by this morning then they were going to have to go back in but I'm just having faith that all will be fine. They gave him two units of blood last night. He will be in the hospital at least until tomorrow. I'll be going up this afternoon to visit him.
On to other things. I had a rude awakening this morning. My lovely neices turned into wild cats and were having WWIII over the bathroom. The fifteen year old was just being plain...B****y to her sister. Guess that is just one of the joys of being a teenager. It just made her madder when her mom and I said something about we had always shared a bathroom with no problem. We old folk just love to rub those kind of things in, anyway it ended with her storming out of the house. She is very much a drama queen. All that fuss over their hair and its raining buckets outside, they probably didnt even make it to the bus without their hair being a wet mess.
Guess I better go get myself ready for the day.
The procedure was over about 10 and the dr is fairly sure they found the place that was bleeding. Apparently dad started taking his aspirin and blood thinners too soon after the last procedure which is what started the whole thing. The dr had told him fifteen days and dad barely waited a week. That's my dad. If his hemoglobin hadnt gone back up by this morning then they were going to have to go back in but I'm just having faith that all will be fine. They gave him two units of blood last night. He will be in the hospital at least until tomorrow. I'll be going up this afternoon to visit him.
On to other things. I had a rude awakening this morning. My lovely neices turned into wild cats and were having WWIII over the bathroom. The fifteen year old was just being plain...B****y to her sister. Guess that is just one of the joys of being a teenager. It just made her madder when her mom and I said something about we had always shared a bathroom with no problem. We old folk just love to rub those kind of things in, anyway it ended with her storming out of the house. She is very much a drama queen. All that fuss over their hair and its raining buckets outside, they probably didnt even make it to the bus without their hair being a wet mess.
Guess I better go get myself ready for the day.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Dad
I was determined this morning when I got up that I was going to help my sister out by cleaning her girls' rooms and their bathroom. I got up, checked my email, talked to a friend for a few minutes then got ready to get busy...Then the phone rang. It was my dad and all he said was "Bonnie, I need you, Im not feeling well" I told him I'd be right there. It just so happened that my sister stayed home from work today so I leaned in her bedroom door and told her that dad had called and needed help. I then ran to get dressed, but before I could even get my jeans on my sister ran through the house and said "I'm going, stay here and Ill call you." She was gone before I could answer her.
She called when she got there and said that dad was feeling like he was going to pass out, dizzy, cold sweats. My first thought and question to her was "Has he tested his sugar?" Dad is diabetic. He had and while it was on the high side it wasn't dangerously high nor should it have been causing the symptons he had. He was also passing blood and lots of it. She called his doctor who said to take him straight to the emergency room. So off they went and Im still here at her house and haven't accomplished a darn thing, just thinking and waiting for her to call.
My dad can get my temper up faster than anyone I know but he also cares more about his kids than anyone ever could. The thought of something being seriously wrong and me having to be 700 miles away shakes me to my core. He had a colonoscopy last week and the dr is concerned that the procedure may have done something. I just know that waiting to find out is making me a nervous wreck. I am thankful I was here today and not in NC, I keep thinking that if I hadnt been here, Lynn would have been at work and there would have been no one for him to call. Im scared. Im praying for healing if that is God's will.
She called when she got there and said that dad was feeling like he was going to pass out, dizzy, cold sweats. My first thought and question to her was "Has he tested his sugar?" Dad is diabetic. He had and while it was on the high side it wasn't dangerously high nor should it have been causing the symptons he had. He was also passing blood and lots of it. She called his doctor who said to take him straight to the emergency room. So off they went and Im still here at her house and haven't accomplished a darn thing, just thinking and waiting for her to call.
My dad can get my temper up faster than anyone I know but he also cares more about his kids than anyone ever could. The thought of something being seriously wrong and me having to be 700 miles away shakes me to my core. He had a colonoscopy last week and the dr is concerned that the procedure may have done something. I just know that waiting to find out is making me a nervous wreck. I am thankful I was here today and not in NC, I keep thinking that if I hadnt been here, Lynn would have been at work and there would have been no one for him to call. Im scared. Im praying for healing if that is God's will.
Monday, April 9, 2007
Day 3 at home
It's 8:00 am on Monday. My nieces just left for school and my brother in law left for work so I have the house to myself. It's very different staying here as a guest. When I lived up here I dropped in all the time but I had my own place to sleep and just do whatever it was that I wanted to do. I sometimes feel like Im in the way now when I come up - it's not anything they do, it's just me.
Yesterday we went up to my Aunt's for Easter. I hadn't seen any of my extended family for over a year so it was nice to get together with them. It was my mom's side of the family, her brother and his family and her sister and her family. 32 of us I think, if I am counting right. The only ones not there were my brother, his wife and my nephew who has deemed himself too old to go to family get togethers.
While we were there, my sister, who was planning on coming to NC for my birthday in May decided it would be a nice girls' outing, so now my mom, aunt, 2 cousins and my younger sister are all coming. We are planning on finding a motel near the beach and just lazing around all weekend. We have all always been very close so it is alright by me. My aunt is actually my aunt twice, she is my dad's sister but married my mom's brother. That makes her children my double cousins and we have always done a lot together as families.
After we stuffed ourselves with a delicious Easter dinner, we adults sat around and talked while the kids hid eggs and hunted them. They didn't want the adults to help and we were happy to oblige as none of us wanted to be out there in the freezing temps to hide the eggs.
When we finally left, mom, dad, my youngest sister and I, stopped in to see my dad's oldest sister. Besides Easter it was also her 75th birthday. So I got to see many more of my cousins (she has 8 daughters, all married with children and some with grandchildren) They sure fill up a house.
Now I am going to go shower and make my way to my parents's house for the day though I was informed by youngest niece that she did expect me to be back here when she got home from school. We will see.
Yesterday we went up to my Aunt's for Easter. I hadn't seen any of my extended family for over a year so it was nice to get together with them. It was my mom's side of the family, her brother and his family and her sister and her family. 32 of us I think, if I am counting right. The only ones not there were my brother, his wife and my nephew who has deemed himself too old to go to family get togethers.
While we were there, my sister, who was planning on coming to NC for my birthday in May decided it would be a nice girls' outing, so now my mom, aunt, 2 cousins and my younger sister are all coming. We are planning on finding a motel near the beach and just lazing around all weekend. We have all always been very close so it is alright by me. My aunt is actually my aunt twice, she is my dad's sister but married my mom's brother. That makes her children my double cousins and we have always done a lot together as families.
After we stuffed ourselves with a delicious Easter dinner, we adults sat around and talked while the kids hid eggs and hunted them. They didn't want the adults to help and we were happy to oblige as none of us wanted to be out there in the freezing temps to hide the eggs.
When we finally left, mom, dad, my youngest sister and I, stopped in to see my dad's oldest sister. Besides Easter it was also her 75th birthday. So I got to see many more of my cousins (she has 8 daughters, all married with children and some with grandchildren) They sure fill up a house.
Now I am going to go shower and make my way to my parents's house for the day though I was informed by youngest niece that she did expect me to be back here when she got home from school. We will see.
Saturday, April 7, 2007
Home Again in Indiana
I made it in about 4:30 pm yesterday. There was a lot to traffic so it took me a little longer than the last trip. It is good to be home though I sometimes feel like Im in the way. No place to stay or call my own. Im also not feeling the greatest, by the time I got here yesterday my left was hurting, this morning when I woke up the whole left side of my head was hurting. I think it is sinus, that and the crazy weather. I drove thru snow in VA, WV, KY and IN. And to think I was worried about that when I came home in January. Go figure. All I know is it was 83 on Wednesday and today it is 31.
Thats it for today, just a short note to let those who care know that I made it in alright. Later!
Thats it for today, just a short note to let those who care know that I made it in alright. Later!
Thursday, April 5, 2007
Packing
Well Im almost packed. Im looking forward to seeing my family but I wish the drive were over. I plan on leaving around 5 am tomorrow. When I went home at Christmas I drove part of it one day and the rest the next but finances prevent that from happening this time. Oh well it won't be the first nor last time that I drive it in one day.
My youngest neice cant wait for me to get home, I think my moving down here has been harder on her than anyone. She calls and begs me to move back, which to be honest, breaks my heart. Ever since she was a baby Ive had her almost as much as her parents. We are very close
It is so nice to have 10 days off, I need the time to recharge my batteries. When we go back to school we are going to be putting a lot of focus on the end of grade tests that the kids have to take. It's really sad that we have to teach to the test but thats what the government in all it's wisdom has made education. They base everything from a student's retention to teacher's merit pay. Sad because some of the kids dont get the repetition they need to learn the basics.
Well I better get off here and finish packing. Until later... so long!
My youngest neice cant wait for me to get home, I think my moving down here has been harder on her than anyone. She calls and begs me to move back, which to be honest, breaks my heart. Ever since she was a baby Ive had her almost as much as her parents. We are very close
It is so nice to have 10 days off, I need the time to recharge my batteries. When we go back to school we are going to be putting a lot of focus on the end of grade tests that the kids have to take. It's really sad that we have to teach to the test but thats what the government in all it's wisdom has made education. They base everything from a student's retention to teacher's merit pay. Sad because some of the kids dont get the repetition they need to learn the basics.
Well I better get off here and finish packing. Until later... so long!
Sunday, April 1, 2007
Another Weekend
This weekend didnt drag like some of them do, I was up early Saturday morning. I was at Walmart by 7 am. That's the best time to go, no crowds. I got a few things I needed and Easter treats for my students. Then I went into the school for about 3 hours. They were having beautification day on the grounds but I went in to do grades. After that I went to get groceries. I was trying to figure out how much to buy for just the week. Im leaving on Friday to go to Indiana for a week. I came home and did some cleaning and then just wasted the rest of the day, Im very good at that.
This morning I got up to go to church, I went early because I wanted to go to Walmart and get a Bible to donate to a mission trip the church is making, I forgot it yesterday, anyway while I was at Walmart I got to feeling sick at my stomach so I ended up coming back home. If I feel better tonight I'll go to the Easter contata.
Im leaving on Good Friday to go back and see my family in IN. It's about 700 miles and has taken me everywhere from 10 - 13 hours to make the trip. The worst traffic areas are Raleigh and Louisville so Im hoping to leave early, that will definitely take care of the Raleigh traffic, then Ill just have to hope I dont hit Louisville at a bad time. I know a lot of people are off on Good Friday so maybe that will help too. Im just praying for good weather and safe travel.
My neice, who is fifteen, joined Yahoo 360 yesterday and wanted me to add her to my friends list. She put some pics of herself on there, I cannot believe how she has changed since I saw her last. She looks like she is 18 or 19 and growing into quite a beauty. Im thankful that she isnt too into boys yet, I think her mom and dad would have their hands full, as it is, they are going to have them full with the youngest one who is only 10 and already talks about boys constantly.
Im very proud of both of my neices and my nephew but Ko, the 15 yr old, is really doing well in school. She is only a Sophomore and already the leader for her NJROTC and they have been placing well in competitions. She looks cute in her uniform too...lol.
Well I think Ive bored the world enough today so have a good week if I dont make the blog anymore before I leave.
This morning I got up to go to church, I went early because I wanted to go to Walmart and get a Bible to donate to a mission trip the church is making, I forgot it yesterday, anyway while I was at Walmart I got to feeling sick at my stomach so I ended up coming back home. If I feel better tonight I'll go to the Easter contata.
Im leaving on Good Friday to go back and see my family in IN. It's about 700 miles and has taken me everywhere from 10 - 13 hours to make the trip. The worst traffic areas are Raleigh and Louisville so Im hoping to leave early, that will definitely take care of the Raleigh traffic, then Ill just have to hope I dont hit Louisville at a bad time. I know a lot of people are off on Good Friday so maybe that will help too. Im just praying for good weather and safe travel.
My neice, who is fifteen, joined Yahoo 360 yesterday and wanted me to add her to my friends list. She put some pics of herself on there, I cannot believe how she has changed since I saw her last. She looks like she is 18 or 19 and growing into quite a beauty. Im thankful that she isnt too into boys yet, I think her mom and dad would have their hands full, as it is, they are going to have them full with the youngest one who is only 10 and already talks about boys constantly.
Im very proud of both of my neices and my nephew but Ko, the 15 yr old, is really doing well in school. She is only a Sophomore and already the leader for her NJROTC and they have been placing well in competitions. She looks cute in her uniform too...lol.
Well I think Ive bored the world enough today so have a good week if I dont make the blog anymore before I leave.
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